casimir pulaski day.

There is so much…just too much. I always want to give each post its own individual topic. But I’m afraid that’s not possible this time. I have too much taking root in my brain to give this post any boundaries. So here’s a nice caveat for you: I am very tired and very inspired and very nonsensical.

So much is changing. Why am I opposed to it? It’s been years since Rafiki spoke those words: Change is good. But I still don’t agree with it. Through everything I have never received the good that was supposed to accompany change. I don’t know how. I don’t know how to know how.

I hope that what will really matter after all is that I have faith that there is good here, in this shifting sand. I don’t know what, or how to use it, but I believe there is good in everything.

Change too often shows me what I lack in my life. It often brings up my selfishness, self centeredness. I, I, I.

I’m tired of myself. I’m sick of the same thoughts, the same patterns of dealing with crap, the same reactions.

I’m sorry. There is no pretty little bow at the end of this post. I can’t wrap this up neatly and put it away. I’m sleepy. There are too many thoughts, or too few. Or maybe I just need the woods and a blanket and you. You’re pretty awesome, you know.

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One thought on “casimir pulaski day.

  1. (hug)

    Sometimes life doesn’t have a pretty little bow. It can be beautiful that way, though, like abstract or impressionistic art. I think I’m trying to channel your Pollyanna nature 🙂

    Nevertheless, I am with you. Change sucks. It almost always sucks for those of us who thrive in a system, a structured way of living, and suddenly that structure changes and we’re like squirrels in the middle of a busy highway, not knowing which way to go.

    That was dramatic. Sorry.

    You’re awesome, and God uses you awesomely. At least in my life. As an fyi.

    Heart.

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