“One does not simply walk into Mordor.”

I am fearless.

I say that in faith, knowing full well the weakness I have within me, but denying it’s hold. The choice to be bold must be made and remade every day, sometimes hourly.

And is it ever a choice! Oh, how I wish I had been born with fearlessness in my DNA, or rather, the innate ability to tap into that fearlessness. But fear is the path my heart takes when nothing makes sense.

But here’s the good news…I have not been given a heart of fear! He swapped it out for boldness! I do have the ability to make use of my fearlessness! What I could not achieve, he has given to me!

Because there is nothing left for me to fear, I can walk in boldness, unadulterated passion, beautiful oneness with my lover.

“If it’s true that you dwell in the halls of my heart, then I’m not just a fool with a fancy guitar. No, I am a priest and a prince in the kingdom of God.” Andrew Peterson

A few days ago I sprained my knee while helping a friend paint a bedroom. It was a physical battle, yes. There was pain and tension and cramping muscles. It was intensive concentrated agony. But there was an even larger, more intensive spiritual battle happening within my heart. As I writhed in pain, my heart writhed in fear. After a half an hour of no healing, though I was being prayed over, I was desperate for some sign that I was not alone. I couldn’t find any security within myself, any peace. I was afraid that everything I had learned, heard, received in the name of Jesus, had just disappeared.

I became vincible.

But he was there, I was healed, he was holding me, loving me. I was so blinded by what I expected him to look like that I could not unlock the fearlessness that he gave me. I have truly only scratched the surface of how he was and is working in this situation.

I can’t measure his depths or drink dry the well of life he holds to my lips. But this I know, that he has made me invincible. By fearlessness. By faith. By boldness.

And in that truth I walk boldly through the storms in my life and say “Peace! Be still!”


he is jealous for me.

“I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you today that I have set before you life and death, blessing and curse. Choose life so that you and your descendants may live, love the Lord your God, obey him, and remain faithful to him. For he Is your life, and he will prolong your life in the land the Lord swore to give your fathers, Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.” Deuteronomy 30: 19,20.

He knows who I am. He knows what I have done and what I haven’t done. He knows what I am capable of, the evil and the beautiful. He knows me more intimately than I know my own heart.

And he still desires me.

We went on a journey this evening through my past, through my questions, through my fear. He knows how ashamed I have been of where I came from and who I was. He knows the level of depravity, of death from which I have been raised. I know and love the power of that resurrection. But there was always a spirit of fear that someday it would all come back, that my destiny would be tainted by the things of which I had been washed.


He gives me a choice: stay in that death, in a existence without power or impact. Or choose life, the only life there ever has been or ever will be.

And there is a promise attached to this choice. If I choose life, he promises that I will experience things that generations before me were promised but refused to receive.

He calls me to a life outside of what I have done, and now asks me what I will do for him. So I break the chains of fear that have been binding my hands from healing others, and I receive the true promised land that exists in the hearts of people I have yet to meet.

the fear you won’t fall.

There are moments when I am completely speechless, and not in the good way. Last weekend was one of those moments. I was totally not expecting some news that I inadvertently received. And for fear of gossipping or judging, I have not allowed myself to verbally process this news.

I don’t know where I’m going with this. I just know that I am ashamed to be part of the human race sometimes, yet I am so grateful to be able to claim a different inheritance. I can claim, without fear, a future filled with love and respect and joy.

There is such a war waging against relationships of every kind. The devil comes to kill, steal, and destroy and we make it so easy for him most of the time.

Well I am committing my life to the defense of these relationships. I will stand firm against the powers of this world and reclaim lost territory.

Oh, Father, teach me. I have so much to learn.

It’s so easy for me to write about these things. But I have to admit that there is a small bit of fear that creeps in every time I speak boldly about something. My love and I are working on this together. Action is not spurred on by the absence of fear, but the presence of trust.

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