sway to the rhythm of love.

I often wonder what my life will be like when I get married. Maybe I’m jumping the gun here, but I think I should examine a few things before some dear man enters my life permanently.

I see a lot of people getting married and switching up their lives for their spouse. Some even start that process before the elusive engagement ring mysteriously appears on their finger.

I am so used to doing things a certain way. I am slightly concerned that I won’t be able to acclimate well to married life, if that is what I am called to.

I like going to bed whenever I want. I like playing the guitar at 11pm. I enjoy watching season after season of Bones, ignoring the pile of laundry on the floor. I delight in putting on a dress and dancing in my room for ten minutes before throwing on pajamas and doing a crossword. I occasionally skip meals and don’t feel guilty. I sleep with a fan on always. I sporadically clean whenever I want. I don’t like doing yard work. I write messages to myself on my mirrors. I like clocks. I leave towels on the floor. I don’t make my bed. I have old ratty fuzzy pink slippers that are so comfortable. I kill every insect I find. I go where I want without telling anyone.

How on earth can you add another person into that insanity? It would so limit my freedom and spontaneity. But that’s probably just my realistic world clashing with my idealistic world. I just don’t see how 2 + 2 could ever = 4 in my world(s).

It’s so selfish of me, to think only of what I’d be losing in the deal. Because everyone I know says that giving up my messy bed and random bedtimes will be worth it. But honestly, I don’t get it. I get the companionship and the love and the sex and the hand holding and the laughter and the memories and all of that. But if my life feels great now, why should I change it just because someone says that the unknown will be better.

I’m not against marriage, for me or anyone else. I just have these unresolved musings and I figure that getting them out now is better than getting them out after the first anniversary.
Thoughts?

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